


Your Worst Enemy Is You

by magnusfray (orphan_account)



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M, Spoilers for 2x05 preview, i had no idea where this came from or where it was going, literally just word vomit tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-30
Updated: 2017-01-30
Packaged: 2018-09-20 22:18:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9518444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/magnusfray
Summary: "You ok?"It's soft, delicate and everything that hewants, but knows he doesn't deserve. His voice is stronger than he thought it would be, as he shakes his head slightly."I can't be in that institute."(SPOILER ALERT; Inspired by the 2x05 malec preview.)





	

**Author's Note:**

> SPOILER ALERT FOR 2x05 IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE PREVIEWS.

He's not sure where he's going; his feet are moving on autopilot and his head is muddled with too many thoughts. Yet he's fairly unsurprised when he finds himself staring up at Magnus' apartment building.

He doesn't want to face the warlock - he _can't_ face him, not yet - and so he doesn't use the front door.

Instead, he grips his stele with his uninjured hand and scales the wall up to Magnus' balcony. The protective wards give way as he reaches for the railing and hauls himself over, just as they do whenever he visits Magnus and approaches his front door. The Magic recognises him, accepts him, _trusts_ him.

The lights are dim inside the lair and Magnus is nowhere to be seen. He hopes that means he has time to arrange his thoughts before he's found, leaning against the steel supports and pressing around the grazes on his hand. The pain grounds him, reminds him of what happened and how _much more_ Clary was hurting than he was - _because_ of him.

Guilt was tearing at his insides, shredding his heart and mind with little care for how he'd fix the mess that would be left behind.

 _Still_ , he thinks, _it's nothing compared to Clary_.

Movement catches his attention and the snick of the door opening makes him look up. His time to arrange his thoughts is up, as Magnus joins him on the balcony.

"You ok?"

It's soft, delicate and everything that he _wants_ , but knows he doesn't deserve. His voice is stronger than he thought it would be, as he shakes his head slightly.

"I can't be in that institute."

There's a flicker of sympathy in Magnus' eyes.

"Oh, Alec."

He doesn't want the soft emotions to continue, so he changes the subject quickly. "Heard you turned in Camille. How'd that go?"

Immediately he wants to kick himself at the instant change that comes over Magnus. His eyes look broken and he sounds choked when he answers.

"Honestly? It was awful."

Magnus pauses, choosing his words carefully. "We had a lot of history, she and I." He seems scared of Alec's reaction to his statement, because then he adds, "I'm sorry if that's weird..."

Alec rubs at his hand. "It's not weird." He wonders what sort of reaction Magnus' has had in the past to warrant such a thing to be apologised for. "You say what you think."

His hand is a constant ache in the back of his mind, flexing intermittently and he lowers it almost self consciously as Magnus asks; "Too busy to use a healing rune?"

He feels like a child being scrutinised by a parent, or a overbearing friend. "I'm fine."

He knows Magnus doesn't believe him and he honestly expects the warlock to fight him on it. "No, you're not."

Alec barely tries to still the eye roll as he looks away.

"You're hurting," Magnus continues like it never happened, " _Badly_." Alec's eyes follow Magnus' hand as it moves. "You hope the pain here," he shows Alec his open palm, "will over power the pain there." He presses a finger to his own chest. "I wish it were that simple."

"I let a demon in, Magnus."

The images of Raj, Lydia, Jocelyn, Clary, _Isabelle_ fly past his eyes like a waking nightmare and he almost doesn't catch the other man's words.

"That wasn't your fault."

"I don't know what to say to Clary," the images of her slumped against the door, staring at the body of her mother, the way she refused to look at him while they reviewed the security footage invaded his mind's eye, "I can't _face her_."

"But you will." The insistence in Magnus' voice almost makes Alec step back. "Because that's what you _do_ , Alexander."

They're staring right into each other's eyes and yet neither can look away.

"It may take you a minute, but I've seen it up close. I went to your _wedding_." Alec's eyes drift to look at the ground, memories of that night surfacing, before seeking Magnus' gaze again. "You'll blow up the very ground you stand on, to make something right."

Alec's pinned by the intense emotion in Magnus' eyes, the _absolute_ belief that Alec will make things right after everything that's happened and it terrifies him.

"Magnus," his voice seems so small in the sudden silence, "Could I... stay here... tonight?"

The hard lines of the warlock's body go soft and he smiles slightly.

"Of _course_ , Alexander. Come inside."

He holds a ringed hand out for Alec to take and his eyes light up when pale, calloused fingers wrap around his own.

"Would you like a drink?"

Alec can feel some of the tension and turmoil seep out of him as the door shuts behind him.

"I'd love one."

**Author's Note:**

> come talk to me! [magnusfray](http://magnusfray.tumblr.com/)


End file.
